A Sturdy Constitution

I found “The Public Speaker's Treasure Chest – A Compendium of Source Material to Make Your Speech Sparkle” by Herbert V. Prochnow, in the recycling centre. It was published in 1959 by A. Thomas & Co., Preston, and is full of jokes, epigrams, and phrases to help make a 'sparkling speech'. There is a section with enough biblical quotations to confound any proselytizer who might come to your halldoor, that is, if you are the type of person who enjoys such engagements. Nowadays the world and his wife are used to public speaking, judging by the numbers who ring in to radio talk shows and discuss just about anything without a seeming tremor of embarrassment. Perhaps that is why someone chucked this book into the recycling centre, where not many clamoured to reclaim it. Here is a joke I found and enjoyed, although perhaps you may not share my amusement, since I am considered to have no sense of humour:

'Heard at the Zoo

A huge elephant and a tiny mouse were in the same cage at the zoo. The elephant was in a particularly ugly and truculent mood. Looking down at the mouse with disgust he trumpeted, “You're the puniest, the weakest, the most insignificant thing I've ever seen!” “Well,” piped the mouse in a plaintive squeak, “don't forget, I've been sick.” '

There I also found “Bunreacht na hÉireann – Constitution of Ireland” published in 1990 by Irish Government Publications, nestling companionably beside an Irish Labour Party publication of James Connolly's “Socialism Made Easy”. Perhaps some socialist has passed on to a more just world, or someone has followed a political disagreement by disavowing all connections with his/her former comrades, Whatever, I brought them home. I think everyone should have a copy of the Constitution, and I will be able to give this to someone who hasn't. James Connolly's little book, published first in 1909, I would keep if only for the fact that he was so ignobly shot while crippled and unable to stand, following the Easter Rising of 1916. It is very well-written, in concise and persuasive English. I know where I stand on such things, I believe all should have a reasonable amount of land for themselves and their family, to do with as they think best provided that it is used and not left as a danger to health. I do not believe that large tracts of land should be allowed to be in the hands of just a few, and passed on down through generations of their families, to be used for their own personal gain. Mine is quite a simple outlook, simplistic, I know some would say. But there is one belief of mine that I never see in books on economics or anywhere else, unless I am reading the wrong books: I do not believe in the charging of interest on money loaned. I believe it is at the bottom of all financial troubles, and that it is morally wrong. However, very few ever mention this, but take it as a law of Nature that interest should be charged on loans. It is a dreadful evil which exists almost without question in the western world. Anyway, here is a quote from Connolly's little book:

“.....the question to be settled by Socialism is the effect of private ownership of the means of production upon the well-being of the race;........Personally I am opposed to any system wherein the capitalist is more powerful than God Almighty........No worker is compelled to enter a church and to serve God; every worker is compelled to enter the employment of a capitalist and serve him.”

I could not possibly give you Connolly's ideas in one small review, nor would I want to. If you are interested, please find his book for yourself. But to most of us nowadays, these are truths and are self-evident. But still, not much changes, and the majority of workers are still counted among the poor, both categories usually being spoken of as interchangeable.....and with good reason.

I found Cyril Connolly's “Enemies of Promise” in a secondhand bookshop, stamped all over in red ink for fear that the reader might return it for resale. This practice always mystifies me, since even if the book is purchased secondhand, if it is well looked after, surely it could just as easily be resold with further profit. I have never read anything by Cyril Connolly, and the first page I opened was sad, I was touched by his words:

“The new school my parents chose for me was on the coast. At first I was miserable there and cried night after night.My mother cried too at sending me, and I have often wondered if that incubator of persecution mania, the English private school, is worth the money that is spent on it or the tears its pupils shed. At an early age small boys are subjected to brutal partings and long separations which undermine their love for their parents before the natural period of conflict and are encouraged to look down on them without knowing why......I have never met anybody yet who could say he had been happy there. It can only be that our parents are determined to get rid of us!”

I realise that children in England or Ireland rarely are sent to these schools now, but I have often wondered what the difference between them and orphanages could be. I speak as one who actually disapproves of most forms of schooling, and who believes that we should keep our children about us and educate them ourselves, as the law allows us to do. Particularly in these days of internet, there should be no need to farm our children out to the care of others. Of course that would not suit those who need women to work outside the home for wages far below those paid to men, as is still generally the case, according to research published in the last few days. I'm sure you will be able to find it for yourself if you search online. Now here is a link to just one of many websites which you will be able to use to home-educate your children if you so desire. For literacy and language, they need only simply read books: http://www.khanacademy.org/ will take care of all other subjects. You will save money on school textbooks, school uniform, shoes, and school transport, there will be no need to ferry them to and from school, and you will not need to pay an au-pair or housekeeper to look after them. This could save your sanity and your marriage.

“How to be a Nigerian” is another little book from the recycling centre, written by Peter Enahoro, a journalist in Lagos, and published by The Daily Times of Nigeria Limited 1966. It is written in a light-hearted way, and from it I learned, guess what, that Nigerians are just like the rest of us, except for one thing, tribalism. Nigeria, Enahoro explains, was a country invented by Europeans for their own use and benefit, but it is actually an area in which live a large number of tribes, and all the members of each individual tribe unite for the good of their own people. He says:

“The Nigerian society is strictly organised into a variety of tribes. So consuming is the devotion to tribe that if St. Peter were a Nigerian, four-fifths of us would be wasting our time in church and Heaven would soon spill out The Gatekeeper's tribal group of Nigerians. Tribes transcend individuality.” When a Nigerian names a certain person as being a member of a certain tribe....”the reference to his tribe already points to the kind of man he is certain to be. The gentleman in question may never be known by name throughout the conversation, but the fact that he is Yoruba, or Ibo, or Efik is sufficient to identify him.” I cannot say personally if this is all true, but if so, I presume Enahoro is talking about types rather than actual personalities, as it has a racist ring to it otherwise. Other than this assertion about tribalism, it seems to me that there is no difference between ourselves in Ireland and people in Nigeria. Some of the drivers are terrible, some of the customer service people are rude, some who work in service industries are corrupt, what's new?There does seem to be corruption in government, certainly more overt than in these islands. I suppose there will always be areas in which countries differ to a greater or lesser degree. Personally speaking, I had Nigerian friends years ago, and spent evenings in the Overseas Club in Dublin playing cards with them, and they were genial and funny companions. I often wonder how they fared later in life.

Finally, straight to you from the junkyard:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdSQQo_5el0

Have a good week, all!